Is Studying Abroad Equal to Paradise?

The answer to that question is yes and no. It depends on an individual's experience and perception. However, I am happy to share my own journey with you.

When the answer is 'Yes', here are the reasons:

1. I have freedom to express my authentic self, heal my childhood trauma, live the way I desire, and do whatever I want without feeling guilty or pressure.

2. I have learned to be autonomous, independent, confident, responsible, and proud of myself, my origin, culture, and tradition.

3. I have opportunities to travel to see various sightseeings and enjoy the beauty of diverse cultures

4. I am lucky to receive an innovative, modern, and advanced education; meet incredible people along the journey who taught me so much cool things that I have never been introduced to before.

5. I have more motivation, inspiration, and creativity.

6. I can exchange ideas and broaden my network.

7. I can try many new things or at least become more aware of their existence.

8. I can sharpen my senses, and expand my worldview.

9. I can become a better version of myself.

10. I am thrilled to live the best youth even though it is full of laughs and tears, and challenges. However, at the end of the day, I am so grateful for things happened the way they were so that I can be 'me' like I am today.

Nothing is perfect! Studying is not a dreamy paradise like what people usually assume: Studying abroad could earn a lot of money, buy luxurious items, drive car only, live a fancy live, etc. I regret to be honest with you that those assumptions are not right!

1. This is the first time I could deeply understand the feeling of homelessness and homesickness. It is like getting lost in the dark woods. You can see nothing, except for overwhelm, confusion, fear and loneliness. Witnessing other people returned home, while I was thousands miles away from home during holidays was the worst feeling ever. I have never been afraid of holiday until I went through these experiences. Not only holiday, daily basis needs also caused a vast number of worries. I had to take care of planning for everything from groceries, to paying bills.

2. At home, whenever I craved for anything, I just told my mother then she would serve it the following day.

3. Back home, I could seek for help easily due to a strong support system.

4. I could comfortably speak my mother tongue at home, but not when I was abroad. Language barrier was a real nightmare!

5. It forced me to step out of my comfort zone. Sometimes, I had to do things that I was not comfortable with or not used to. Basically, those places and people were completely strangers, not my home, which drove me insane.

6. I had to endure some culture shocks in a foreign countries.

7. I was nervous about financial pressure. It was the worst feeling ever. I could describe it like a combination of embarrassment, sadness, hopelessness, and heart-attack-symptom-like.

8. People put pressure on me because they expected to see fruitful outcomes of their investment. The uncertainty of what's next stressed me out.

9. The feeling of being stuck in the tangible situation where neither could I move forward nor return was very stressful as well.

10. The outside world was full of traps, crimes, and liars, being conscious, acuminous, strong, and stable was so challenging.

11. Freezing, snowy days or crazy hot weather also added up to the pile of struggles.

12. I would never forget those contemptuous attitudes people threw at me, scare, confusion, isolation, loneliness, detachment, embarrassment, nausea, chest tight, physical and mental pain that occurred at the point that I was not wealthy and had nothing certain in my hands.

Spending time on reflecting what I have been through is so meaningful and emotional. It was not a complaint but a pride in myself, and a relief. After those life storms, I am still survived, becoming more calm and stable. Thanks to those challenges and failures, I discovered my strengths, bravery, and resilience. If you asked me if I regretted about this decision, the answer 100% would be NO! first of all, I do not cry over spilled milk. Moreover, I have faith in the trajectory of the universe. Things will happen, when it is the right time!