Stop Chasing!

The first 68 days of 2023 have put me on a brand-new adventure that was a combination of fascinating and nerve-racking feelings. At this point, my mind and body is not full of active and wild energy anymore. Instead, I would say, my inner world has become more balanced, and calmed. Even though it is still a little bit impatient, but more mindful. One person had told me that, "Time cannot heal your wounds. It just made you temporarily forget about that pain". I heard the logic there, but I could not agree with it. I proudly gave my healing journey as a persuasive example. I never forget my history, but the lenses that view it. I used to cry over spilled milk, but it will not happen anymore. My sorrowful attitudes toward those hurtful past memories have gone to save room for positive energy come into my life.

January 2023 taught me about the value of true friendship. I have been chasing after other people for my whole youth because I ridiculously believed that those amazing human beings would be great friends of mine. On the other hand, I meant to ignore who I have known for years because I refused to see their core values, but only focused on their ordinary and quirky characteristics. I used to call everyone 'friend'. However, I am more mindful about authentic friendship and know how to selectively make friends. I spent a moment to reflect on my friend network and notice that people that I called "my friends" are very unique. They do not spend money on luxurious brands, or lifestyle; they are not popular or famous; they are not social media influencers; they do not care about people's prejudices or criticisms about them; they are mistreated by this life, family, and the whole society. At the end of the day, those ordinary human beings are the most incredible ones, because they are authentic to themselves and others; they feel grateful and appreciated for what they have and what they can get; the most importantly, they always think about me, support, wish me all the best and successes, and stand by my side at any phases of life. We treat each other with peace, love, happiness, trust, and loyalty. Everything is supposed to be simple. If it is complicating, which is a huge red flag! To recap, my first month of the year, I stopped chasing new fake friends, then returned 'home' in which I feel safe, comfortable, and loved.

February 2023 is a rewarding and challenging month. All my efforts were paid off. I achieved my goals and made my long-time-ago dream come true. The first time ever that I feel like a mature adult. A sense of freedom and satisfaction arrived in my early 20s because I could do whatever I wish for, plan and execute everything by myself within my own way. Things flowed smoother for the first few days. If I had to pick a song to describe this month, I would choose "Sweet but Psycho", because it lifted me to the peak of pleasure, then threw me to the bottom of the world in a blink of an eye. Life is fair. I got what I wanted, in return, I had to pay what I asked for. Fair enough! I was broke, in addition, I lost my phone. Not only a physical cell phone, but memories of pictures, contact information, etc., they left me so fast that I was not able to function what was going on at that moment. All I could think of was "It's over! It's time to let it go!". I was surprised with myself that I did not grieve for too long. Instead, I recovered super fast and moved on immediately. This event led to the awareness of the following month.

March 2023 taught me about patience and mindfulness. In the past, I was a person who often burned multiple steps to reach to the target as quickly as I could. It might be an achievement, but I was empty inside. Obviously, it is not ethically right because I was abusing and forcing myself to do what I was not deserved. I officially stopped arguing with destiny and the universe or chasing after something and someone that would not belong to me. On the contrary, I concentrated on improving myself, eliminating irrational guilts, and enjoying every present moment of life. Magical! My life began to attract things and people that truly care about me. They voluntarily went towards directions without me begging or talking their ears off. How fascinating!

I deeply sorry for the ignorance that I have made myself endure for an extensive amount of time. I am a precious, gorgeous, and talented diamond; therefore, I should spend time and energy on locating myself in the right position at a right time. Things happen for a reason and they will appear at the right time. Trust and be patient with the process!