Why Did I Lose My Confidence?

I am still patiently walking on my own healing journey. The more time I spend on reflecting myself, the more issues I was able to address.

I used to be a spotlight of any performance, when I was a child. I was invited to perform at different schools and bog companies where a thousand audiences were watching me perform. I earned several prizes and reputation for my instructors, and programs which made them and my family so proud.

Boom! My confidence suddenly disappeared in a mysterious way. It was too vague for me to recognise the exact time and how it happened. I kept hiding myself in the corner of the class; I lived in other people's shadows; I was too nervous and fearful to speak up for myself and share my thoughts. Ultimately, I lost my own voices. The silence secretly swallowed me. I impotently fought back to save me, but I lamentably failed.

Not until now, I am able to think about it clearly and address why I lost my confidence:

1. I did not show respect for myself. I upraised other people and put their feelings over mine.

2. I imprudently allowed people to hurt me.

3. I did not take good care of myself: No exercise; excessively eating; listened to negative self-talk; agreed with others even though they were wrong; locked myself inside my room; lived in a toxic circle; did not care for proper hygiene or fashion; believed that I was worthless and ugly; etc.

4. I did not believe in my talent and ability.

5. I was afraid of making mistakes or messing things up.

6. I was scared to let people down.

7. I was not used to expressing my emotions and ideas in public.

8. I dealt with public speaking phobia.

Once I can identify the root causes, I will come up with a 'treatment' plan to solve the problems. Hopefully, it will be effective!